March 28th: The Venomous Congolese Two-Step Snake

We’ve been very fortunate since our arrival - no snake incidents, even though we were warned that they were indeed present and to be always aware of them wherever we walked, etc. So no snake incidents…until today!

Fred went to take a shower and let out a blood-curdling scream: SNAKE IN THE SHOWER!

But not just any snake. We recognized this massive python as one of the most venomous and lethal snakes in the Congo: the Two-Step Snake. (If this snake bites you, you walk two steps and BAM! you will fall flat on your face and start convulsing violently.) So we had to be careful as we determined how to remove this 2 metre long snake from the team house.

We asked the guard to assist us, and he strongly suggested that because it is the dreaded Two-Step Snake, that we had to use the always effective Two-Step Method to eliminate the snake.

But this snake was too big for any of us mere muzungus to confidently remove it. This aggressive snake kept trying to coil its powerful slithery body around us in order to squeeze our very last breaths out of us. So our guard bravely applied the Two-Step Method.

In case you ever run into one of these dangerous snakes, we will share the method with you so you too can save lives and be heroes:
    Step 1: Take a broom handle. Pound the snake’s head with it.
    Step 2: Continue to pound the snake’s body until it stops trying to poison you with its venom.

A bonus third step is to completely sanitize the area where the pounding occured. Fred made sure that the shower was spic and span clean, removing all the evidence of the carnage and litres of venom, by washing down the entire bathroom.

This is the most exciting event to happen since…well since the DRC Leopards won that soccer championship. (But of course the snake incident was much more exciting!)

PS) There is an unfortunate typo in this post. The snake was 2 cms long at best, not 2 meters long. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused. But honestly, the snake IS venomous and dangerous even though it is small…